The bar has made me question everything

I bought a stick-on air freshener for the new place. I really hate them but this place called for some definite smelling-upping. Well, that and the fact that I swore up and down we had a slow gas leak and I have finally convinced Mr. McP to call maintenance to check it out. The verdict should be here in an hour or so.

Back to the stick-on air freshener. The directions tell me I should peel off the label and then affix the disc "vertically on a stable, horizontal surface."

I can see how one could place a stand-alone scented disc vertically on a horizontal surface. But this is like asking someone to place a stick-it note vertically horizontally.

Is it just me or are these directions really, really stupid?

UPDATE: It was a gas leak. It was behind the stove. Good thing I don't cook. Bad that I had the dryer going. Hank Hill would be proud. I sniffed out that gas smell like Lady Bird. Or something.

Sweet home Chicago well, you know

We got to our new city in Red State. Two things strike me about this place: 1) there are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of porn shops around here, and 2) there's also an abudance of Waffle Houses. I'm not sure there is a connection to be made, but I think you all know where you can find me from now on.

After dinner, we passed one of the 8 gazillion porn stores and I read on the window that they also sell pocketbooks. Um, I'm assuming they don't mean like a lady's purse. Wow. I had no idea. We certainly never sold "pocketbooks" at my store.

We also went to the Worst Gas Station Known To Man on the drive. It actually had a live tiger "exhibit," which I found extremely depressing. And smelly. I won't go into the condition of the "facilities" because it makes me want to vomit every time I think about it. The first bathroom I went to also was disgusting. I have vowed never to pee in that state again. Luckily, you can make it through the state in about 4 1/2 hours.

At the exit to the Worst Gas Station there was a booth set up where they apparently cook up some hog cracklins right there (there was a big kettle on the back of a trailer). Except on the sign on the way out, someone had stolen the letters. So, on the way in, you could buy "FRESH HOG CRACKLINS." On the way out, you could buy "FRESH HO CRACK."

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Friday Spies©: Fifth Friday of the Month Edition

Whoa, there were 5 Fridays this month? I'll be damned.

1. What five things should you never buy used?

1. Anything from freshpair.com. Because that would be misrepresentation or something.
2. Shoes, apparently, although I don't have too much personally against it. I guess it would depend if someone I knew gave them to me.
   
3. Soap. Because I think my hotel recycles it.
4. Porn magazines, probably. There's a reason it comes shrink-wrapped. It's like Tylenol. Don't buy it if the seal has been broken. Trust me. I used to sell this stuff. I'm almost an expert or something.
   
5. Bar materials from someone who passed 20 years ago. Heck, don't even take them if they're free, but certainly don't buy them.
   

2. Sony BMG just ended a payola investigation by settling with New York Attorney General Elliot Spitzer. So let's engage in some reverse payola: What song or artist would you pay to never have to hear again, and how much would it be worth to you?
The Tom's Diner song. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's already in my head just thinking about it. I hate you for making me think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. In honor of the new Bad News Bears: Did you ever play little league, or other organized youth sports?
When I was probably 8 or so, I played in a co-ed soccer league. My team was called the Orange Crushers and our mascot was an orange (duh) with these skinny little legs and a rather happy face for someone who was supposed to inspire fear in the other team. I don't recall all the particulars but I think we sucked. Probably my favorite part was getting a soda at the end of the game. I recall drinking a lot of Shasta in the day.



Now, I know this drawing can never match my cousin's skill, but give me a handicap...I have a touchpad on my laptop and even breathing while I'm trying to draw with it makes things go horribly wrong. Well, and my drawing skills are limited at best, even when using the pre-formed shapes and all.

Yes, the name was spelled out diagonally like that and it was on a black banner.

I also did gymnastics until I broke my arm.

In junior high, I played on the tennis and soccer teams. I'm not sure we were organized even then but it got me out of playing forced volleyball for six weeks in PE. But it sure did involve running a lot of laps.

4. What was your biggest fashion faux pas?
Wow, so many to choose from. There's this classic one from first year:

I'm Vivian. Duh! Gosh. I wear the pink bunny outfit on non-holidays only.

When I was really little, I think I was always well-dressed because my mom has a really good sense of fashion. I remember hating this one particular dress but looking back, I realized that it was actually a really fashionable style back then. For adults, but whatever. My mom still is a little advanced in her fashion style for living in west Texas. She's always ahead of the curve in that respect, asking me if I want her to send me a glitter belt or whatever the new thing is.

5. In honor of all our readers who took the Bar Exam this week: What was the hardest test you ever took?
If I don't pass the bar, then it will be the bar I just took. If I do pass the bar, well, actually, probably still the hardest test.

I had to sit for orals in undergrad (please, no jokes...my parents read this site). I also had to do a thesis and presentation and defense, which was absolutely petrifying for me. I was shaking like a leaf behind the podium. Every time a faculty member would begin a question, I thought about pulling the fire alarm and running out the building. As if that wasn't enough, I had to come back in the spring (I finished my classes in December) and take the comprehensive exam (comps). That was two days of pretty much the bar, except for English lit. I sort of felt like my brain probably looked like it ought to be on the cover of Muscle magazine or something. Of course, now, less than one day after finishing the bar, I've stopped sucking it in and all that gray matter gut is hanging out freely. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, vacation.

Blogorrhea!!!!!!!!

Wow. Now that my post-bar hangover (not so much alcohol-induced but logorrhea-induced from spewing everything I could in 6 hours or less per day) is gone, I feel ready to blog infinitely. Not anything spectacular, of course, but the whole concept of me having to be silent for hours and hours on end was just unbearable!!!

Something that has bothered me for the past few days is the fact that housekeeping takes my soap (not MY soap, just the soap I used in the shower) every time they clean. I try to let them do cleaning only twice a week because I feel guilty about one-use soap being trashed. But I want more towels. One day I opened the door and only let them take the trash.

What happens to that soap? Is it trashed? Is it melted down and re-pressed into more soap? Is it donated to charity? Gosh, I have so many questions. Isn't throwing away soap after one use more wasteful than changing the sheets every day? (I also don't let them change the sheets. They have a little card that you place on the bed if you want your sheets done; I love the environment so I live with slept-in sheets. I mean, it's just me. If I can't bear to sleep with myself, I have some real problems.)

I feel so guilty about the soap that I don't even use a bar for my hands. Well, and I also brought nice Bath & Body Works soap (the foaming pump kind...awesome!) for the bathroom sink and kitchen sink. Less drying. Way better smelling.

The coffee maker here is really weird too. It has no "off" switch. In fact, you can't turn it off. To even pull the plug you'd have to take out the minifridge. Weird. So you load up the coffeemaker and you press down on a lever thing and once it's finished brewing, the lever pops back up (DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT try to force the lever back up. Ummm, at least, I uh, heard you shouldn't try to do it. A friend told me. Right.) and the coffeemaker is off. There is NO BURNER. It's just a sort-of insulated coffeepot. Which is lame. Because I need hot coffee for hours. That's why Krispy Kreme brews coffee all day long. They understand that hot donuts and hot coffee just go together like peas and carrots.

Further adding to my dismay, it's only a four-cup and this one doesn't even have the stop-n-serve (SNS) feature. When I first saw that my Motel Sucks coffeemaker had the SNS feature, I scoffed because what weakling can't wait for four measly cups of coffee to brew??? Huh. Well, me apparently. I learned the hard way on Day 1 of the bar. Because this coffee maker is insulated (and not clear), I couldn't tell if it was done or not. I pulled out the carafe and was too dumb to stick a cup underneath the still-flowing coffee and instead poured what had been brewed into my travel cup. What a mess. It was so embarassing, I put the "Do not disturb" sign on my door so housekeeping wouldn't think I was a moron who didn't know how to work a stinking coffee maker.

Last night I came back to my hotel room and felt sort of lost because all of my fellow bar takers were gone. I even missed the horde of Asians who eyed me suspiciously every day and wondered why I didn't hang out with them. I didn't feel like fast food and there are very few restaurants in the area.

I ended up at a roadside steakhouse that was a poor imitation of an Outback (which, apparently is a poor imitation of the outback, so we're now getting into the whole copy of a copy problem, so you can imagine how good the place was) and had to wait by the jukebox (thank goodness it was playing Dwight at least...something tolerable) for Kelly to take my order. I ordered a chicken fried sirloin (a sirloin steak chicken fried, not ground sirloin in chicken fry) with a side salad and mashed potatoes. Cream gravy, of course. Since I hadn't called ahead or anything (I found this place by accident), I decided to sit down at the bar. I felt like I should really order something, so I broke the First Cardinal Rule Of Being Elaine and had a drink in public. I even got carded!

It was exquisitely tasty, although looking back, I wouldn't normally have a drink on an empty brain or stomach because it doesn't seem like a good idea. I heard the guy next to me order a chicken fried sirloin too, but "double fried." Wow. After 15 minutes, I got up to get my order. It was in a googlenormous paper bag.

I got home and opened up the stuff. Holy cow. There was a ginormous slab of cow in there. Wow. It was pretty good, but not the best sirloin I've ever had. The "side" salad was as big as my side of cow. There was a third box and I felt guilty because I wondered if they had accidentally packed someone else's dinner with mine, so I opened it tenatively. Wow! Four honey-glazed dinner rolls. It was like winning the jackpot. I sat there, delirious with the idea of eating four dinner rolls, a slab of cow, a mess of salad, AND mashed potatoes. I didn't make it that far. I had to throw in the towel after 1/2 of the cow, all the salad, all the potatoes, and 1 roll. I had a beer for dessert. They also threw in a big bag of salted peanuts in the shell, the kind you get at those restaurants and throw the shell on the floor. Sweet Jenna Jameson, was it good.

But before I got dinner, I stopped by a grocery store and picked up some reading material that was not-bar-related. I picked up the worst and least-thought-provoking magazines I could find, to wit, Allure, Glamour, Vanity Fair (mainly more for the car trip tomorrow), and Marie Claire. I felt a little like my cousin who buys like $50 worth of magazines every week (I tried to find that post but I can't). It was embarassing to spend $17 on magazines.

Whew. I feel so much better now that all this nonsense is off my chest. Being forced to be quiet has some adverse effects on me.

Now playing: Cradle of Love

Friday Cat Blogging

Misha on the day we brought him home. We thought he would be a good cat because he instantly played with all the toys we bought and laid in the cat bed. Most cats really hate "cat toys" and prefer things like "toilet paper rolls" and "highlighters."

I get to see my kitties tomorow night!

A man after my own heart

So...if you've ever wondered why I went to St. Crispin's (not my choice of school but why I chose that as my school's cover name), Alan has me pegged. Yep, my fictional former school was named for the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V. That's good stuff, man.

Wow. That was weird to see when I clicked on over to his site. That speech is part of what inspired me to go to law school. Weird. And now, for the first time EVER, I'm not a student and have no plans to be one soon. I worked a couple of years between undergrad(s) and law school, but I knew I was going back to school, so it was different. Seeing the speech was sort of a nice way to finish this whole thing out. Full circle or something. Or maybe I've already been drinking.

Back to the minifridge, y'all.

Shazam, Barzam!

I. Tell. You. What.

That. Sucked.

And I hope not to do it again. Of course, this week I'm sending off my application for another state bar. Please, some clerkship, offer me a job so I don't have to take another bar.

Evil eye girl turned to me seconds after the test was over and asked me what I had put for the last answer. I couldn't believe it.

And Bar Steve wore the same exact outfit every day. Really. I mean, I wore the same underwear but no one could tell. (Just kidding, Mom) The whole thermal knit shirt under the t-shirt was over in the 90s, man. Hmm. Maybe he's been repeating the bar since then?

At any rate, I feel so empty without having something to procrastinate against. So feel free to send me some luv in the comments and any suggestions about posts. I'm off to drink a beer. And by "off" I mean, across the room to the minifridge and then back at the executive desk again.

This is only a test...had it been a real emergency....

GG asks:

Are they really going to spend ten minutes *EACH DAY* reminding us that we can't have cellphones? Did they think we might have forgotten overnight?

Well, for once this week, I have the answer. Yes. Even today some moron still brought in a cell phone to the effing bar exam. On DAY TWO. The AFTERNOON session.

Luckily, they haven't outlawed this quite yet:


I've got my eyepatch all ready for tomorrow's test. It's in the clear ziplock bag, so no worries.

Medication time, gentlemen...medication time

I HAD MY ASS HANDED TO ME today by retirees looking to make a buck while wearing soft-soled shoes.

That is all.

PS - The pencils were fabulous. I was not. I feel so...unworthy.

No disassemble! Treads, don't fail me now!

Since I insist on the very best for the test, I forwent (? forgoed???) the standard yellow #2 pencil in favor of a pack of Mirado Black Warrior 100% premium cedar pencils. It claims it sharpens to a fine, exact point and has a soft, non-smudge Pink Pearl ® eraser. Plus, it's made in the USA. America, **** yeah! Why premium and why cedar, don't ask. I have no idea. But I liked the idea that they were "warrior pencils" and also "premium" to boot. Maybe the cedar will keep the moths away when I put them up until February.

Soooooo...hopefully the MBE will go at least as well as the first day. These pencils better not suck. I've taken them for a test bubbling-in and they do sharpen to a nice point that doesn't snap or crumble. I generally don't erase, but I did so just to test it out. These pencils are mighty fine, I tell you.

-----------------------

I couldn't sleep well last night and I woke up at one point covered in sweat. Not a cold sweat. A hot sweat. Yuck. And weird. I sort of slept in the "twilight" zone, where I never really fell deeply asleep, so I don't think I had many dreams. Maybe I slept-worked out and that's how I got sweaty. There is a fitness room. And I did bring my fitness apparel.

I had a sneezing attack during breakfast.

About a mile and a half from the convention center, I realized I had left my lucky hoodie sweatshirt (I've been wearing it since the LSAT! Um, yeah...the cuffs are all frayed and I've busted more than one ink pen on it, so it's really pretty homeless-looking but I still love it.) at the hotel room. I didn't want to turn around. The room was cold, of course. And I was directly under a vent that was blowing so hard that it would flap any loose paper. My hands had a bluish tint when I was done. Luckily, outdoors, a local digital sign claimed it was 100. I looked at the weather online...tomorrow's heat index is predicted to be 110. You know I'll be hunkered down in a convention center with my Warrior pencils, hoodie, and maybe two pairs of socks. Sweet.

Day 1: 1/3 done

5:29 - C calls me. "Oh good, you're up. I figured you would be. I've been up for a while." Anything else she said is beyond me, because I wasn't up but I am a good person at answering the phone sounding like I am. I got up. I was up before any of my 5 alarms + 1 hotel wakeup call went off. Sweet.

At the test site, there were a few people I knew from St. Crispin's so I didn't feel totally alone. Much to my surprise, I saw my old friend Thumper from BarBri. Of course, she had computer "issues." Of course. But she did manage to make it in on time.

The guy sitting across from me looks like Steve, complete with the glasses and everything. Except, um, Bar Steve looked like he spent a little more time in the gym. Wow. I hope he doesn't erase too hard tomorrow. I forsee some major table-rocking with those guns.

The proctors hadn't done a good job of stemming the tide and so we were all milling about the lobby when the Head Proctor (I guess) got pissed off at us for entering without showing our IDs yet. Dude, the proctors just let us in. Stop shouting at us. It's 7:30 in the morning!

I was sort of disappointed by the lack of forbidden-item-security searches. I was expecting like, CAT scans, MRIs, full body cavity searches, retinal scans, "What is your favorite color?" and so on. I mean, I even gave thought to my underwear selection last night in anticipation. But no. People were bringing in backpacks, straw totes, laptop bags, opaque grocery sacks (as if "ziplock"-type bag in the instructions was somehow ambiguous or unclear), etc. Hell, tomorrow I'm taking in my suitcase, just because! Because I can, apparently! Obviously, all this exam security stuff is overhyped. Well, there was an armed police officer with a huge beer gut. Not that it matters if you're armed. Oh, and they did have a sign taped above the pay phones telling us pretty much that if we touched them, they'd shoot now and ask questions later.

After the second session began, my stomach started making horrible groaning noises for no reason. I wasn't hungry. I ate a pretty big breakfast full of protein and carbs so I wouldn't be hungry. But it was really freaking loud and I saw the girl next to me sort of give me the evil eye without looking like she was looking at my exam. Really, I didn't know what to do, so I acted like it was Bar Steve's stomach and kept on typing. But it was difficult to disguise. I mean, I could hear it through my earplugs, which were jammed down to my brain. I would have apologized but she didn't look like she was very nice, so she probably would have bitten my head off or something.

And someone's damn phone kept ringing. I'm assuming it was a proctor's. Annoying. The instructions took almost longer than the test. Really. The test should have been 3 hours long with a short boot-up-your-computer break but we didn't leave until 12:15. Ugh. If I had known that, I would have gone to the bathroom during the computer break.

At any rate, I'm 1/3 closer to either being a bar flunker or a licensed attorney. Sweet.

Don't write on the testes

I always want to laugh whenever I see an exam instruction that says "Do not write on the test" because Mr. McP once took a test where the proctor was reading the instructions verabtim, except she pronounced "tests" "testes." Ever since, I have made extra sure not to write on the testes.

I did a fair amount of writing on the testes this morning, but only because it was allowed.

But...want to know what REALLY SUCKS?

Looking at a question, thinking, hmm, that's odd...didn't they just ask that on the last question?, then writing a really awesome Witherspoon answer. To a Batson question. Oops.

Yeah. Between each question there's a line or two of additional facts and this particular new set of facts was at the bottom of the page and I neglected to see it. So I turned the page and answered that question in response to the last set of facts (obviously a Witherspoon problem). The worst part is that I actually would have known what the heck I was talking about in a Batson challenge.

I noticed this when I was going back to make sure I hadn't forgotten to do any of the questions or whatever, and when I did, my heart stopped. It was a slow-mo reach for the pen and a silent "****!" (no talking during the exam of course) and then, "Time. Stop writing. Place your pens on the table and close the book."

That was the first half. Ouch. I pretty much just made up the second half, checking the prompt every three minutes or so to make sure I wasn't writing a cross-examination or something when I should be doing something else.

I rewarded myself with fried okra at lunch. There's about 3,000 donut shops in the vicinity (as well as the 4,587 nail salons, tanning salons, and hair salons and every fast food imaginable), but no Krispy Kreme. The humanity....

Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such

First off, I love this hotel. The alarm clock makes sense (probably a post describing my rage at the Motel Sucks clock will be tomorrow). The room doesn't feel permanently damp. There is actual tile on the bathroom floor. There's more toilet paper than I can use. Lamps. A personal mini-lobby into my suite. All sorts of things. Sure, I have complaints (no freezer-fridge, only a fridge-fridge), a tiny sink that's impossible to do dishes in, no stove ("I just wanted to make an omelet!") the 5,000 feet I have to walk to answer the door, the fact that I can't see out the peephole, and the fact that they put the microwave on a high shelf that I can't reach without using the "executive chair" with wheels. Which doesn't seem like a good idea. Unless, of course, I fall, hit my head, dream up the flux capacitor, and then can fast forward to November when I find out whether I passed the bar or not.

But, there is something rather funny about the place.

First, the country music selection. When I first pulled up, I heard Amarillo by Morning. I'm okay with that. After that was some old-school Aerosmith, followed by more George Strait, this time Oceanfront Property. When I got inside the pre-lobby, there were state symbols in bronze hanging on the wall. I sort of expected wild game heads to be mounted in the lobby and I was disappointed by the tasteful (but fake) calla lilly arrangement.

The swimming pool is a different story, though. They actually have a hot tub shaped in the state. A hot tub. In a funny shape. That's not a big deal if you're in, say, Wyoming or Colorado where the state is a rectangle. But imagine an Idaho-shaped pool. Or a Florida-shaped pool. Or worse, Hawaii. I found this mildly disturbing but I also felt compelled to check it out. So this morning, after I brewed my own coffee in my room, I sat outside for about 45 minutes by the state pool and read the local paper (nearly worthless, as far as I can tell but still better than LSC's paper) and then some Consumer Rights in the Conviser Mini Review. Oh, so that's the definition of federal debt collector. I hope I still remember that by Thursday.

Oh wow. I found this site which lists places where you can stay and gaze upon a state-shaped pool. There's also this pool which is not nearly as good but is still state-shaped.

Mars, b******!

That's right. I made it to the testing city in, um, way less than Yahoo maps said I ought to. I have a good eye for spotting lurking state troopers. Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This motel is much nicer. It even sounds nicer. As opposed to "Motel Sucks," this one's name has a soothing adjective and the word "Suites" in it. Sweet!

Not only that, the room is literally more than twice the size of the Motel Sucks room. It has two queens and a fold-out full couch. In case I have narcolepsy and tend to fall asleep while walking to the bathroom, I suppose. They even folded the towels into little fans. At the Motel Sucks, I had to ask for toilet paper. More than once. And towels.

There's even an "executive" desk and a matching chair with wheels and adjustable lean-back-ability. And it gets Comedy Central and VH1. I would say that if I had stayed here for the entire time, I would have gotten a lot more done because I wouldn't worry about whether or not some drunken parking lot weirdo might bust through the window at any given moment, but considering the cable tv, maybe not.

I've already done a test drive to the site. Naturally, I got lost on the last turn. I mistook the ginormous Baptist Church for the Convention Center. Once I found the convention center, I realized that the church was much larger and probably had nicer facilities.

Tomorrow is another test run in real-time traffic and then the feverish bargaining with the devil begins, I'm sure. Or I could just sit around and eat Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and watch tv all day.

On a mostly unrelated note, does anyone remember the Nintendo Cereal [System]? It had two sealed packages inside the box and you were supposed to mix the two cereals inside into your bowl. Sort of like Mentadent toothpaste or epoxy glue. Why they couldn't mix and match Mario and Zelda in the same box was always beyond me. Okay....back to the main point. That was all just set-up for the real question: does anyone remember the Nintendo cereal commercial song? You know: Nin-ten-do...it's a cereal, wow!

You can find it nowadays on the internet(s) but it used to be, whenever I brought it up, no one knew what I was talking about until I met someone at work who spontaneously started singing it. Who knows, there might be more weirdos cool people like me out there. Just checking.

Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.

I feel like Morty Seinfeld in that episode where he has to leave the condo (what was it, Boca Vista or something?) and he does the Nixon wave-salute before getting into his Cadillac and driving off.

My final farewell lunch was great. We went to this burger place that I had seen advertised at our movie theater but never been to. While they only had Pepsi, they had these ginormous (and I mean, "Feeds 6-8, $25.00 + tax") burgers and some decent tots, which I ate because I was freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today. /Napolean Dynamite. Then we mostly sat around and talked for the better part of at least an hour because it was 3:00 by the time we got back to the school.

One by one, all the Club members are leaving. I think Mr. O is the only one left, and I'm under strict orders not to leave without seeing him first. I think the plan is to smuggle a library chair out. :)

So...the next time I see y'all, I'll be in a (hopefully) much nicer hotel and trying to psych myself out of, um, psyching myself out.

So a man walks into a bar....ouch

the Wit (60% dark, 39% spontaneous, 22% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean you're pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that 'the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most effort to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. Also, you probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 70% on dark You scored higher than 52% on spontaneous You scored higher than 17% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Via Half-Cocked

Good luck

to everyone taking the bar next week. Including me. Yeah...lots of luck for me.

In other news, my gravatar has been rated G. I'm sure my mother would be proud. Except it's too small to see. I'm working on it.

My (final) going-away lunch is tomorrow. I think they're trying to fatten me up as part of some weird cultish plan but I'm not really sure what the hows and whys of it are, but I guess I will find out soon enough.

I bug out on Sunday morning and drive to the testing site city. I'm nervous already. But it could be all that caffeine I make in my tiny 4-cup coffee maker. Makes me a mite nervous.

Friday Spies ©: This navel-gazing edition bought to you by Peach Schnapps and OJ*

1. Why did you start blogging?
I started because I wanted an easy way to share vacation pictures with my family. There's only so many ginormous emails people want to download. Plus, we used to have dialup, which was a real pain. In the 13 months that I've been blogging, I guess I've taken two big trips (France...well, it was my first post...and Hawaii, as well as some smaller trips to Boston and to visit family) and posted in great detail about them. Hey, I never promised quality and sometimes you have to make do with quantity.

2. Are the reasons you blog now the same as when you started? If not, what's changed?
Hmm. I'm still extremely self-absorbed, so that's the same. I guess I just like blogging as sort of a hobby and not a convenience. For one thing, my readership has expanded beyond my mom and myself, so that's a major change.

3. What would make blogging better for you?
Well, at the moment, having access to freaking Blogger. I'm typing this in my email and hoping that at some point, I can get back into Blogger. I guess maybe the ability to demonstrate emotions via the internet might improve the blogging experience. Like when you say something to someone that you mean in jest but is taken wholly the wrong way. Or if you're being serious and someone thinks you're being a smartass or sarcastic. Or like when I got into a fight with my mother who had commented anonymously in the comments and I ripped her a new one not knowing it was her. Yeah...um, that wasn't good. Whatever would improve that would improve blogging for me.

4. Do you have comments on your blog? Why or why not? Do you comment on other blogs? What motivates you to post a comment?
Yes, I do indeed, although sometimes the comments section is very lonely. I have them because...um, why not? I like feedback, I guess. Or to be validated in my craziness when other people tell me that they, too, button from the bottom up, or do the rhyme for the days of the month, or spell words by tapping on an imaginary keyboard.

20 minutes later: Hmm...apparently there was more to the question than "do you have comments enabled." Hopefully I won't overlook two-parters on the bar. My answer is yes, I comment on other blogs, but it depends. I don't really like commenting on many other blogs except the few (and by few, I mean more like 20-30 or so) that I read with some regularity. I guess I don't like to expand the circle very much. I'm blog-shy or something. Sometimes, I can't help myself, though. Mostly it's cat pictures and Monty Python references that reel me in, but other things such as frito pie, donuts, Just Because girls, and poking fun at west Texas will also pique my interest to the point of leaving a comment.

5. What is your philosophy of the blogroll?
Hmm. This sounds like a very Phil Jackson question (don't ask me what that means, I just typed it). Well, I didn't have a blogroll at all for about a year, and then, just as the now-Mrs. WhyLaw was wondering why I didn't have one, voila, there it was. My divisions are basically Lawyers/Recent grads (um, yeah, so, lawyers), 3Ls, 2Ls, 1Ls, PreLs or non-law. Within the division it's just in alpha order. But I try to change the headings for the blogroll divisions every month or so if I remember. At first it was the five boroughs, a reference few got or few bothered to mention (I know, I can't change the spelling in the template now without changing the whole thing, yada yada, I'm lazy), and was not a big hit according to the comments to that post. (Although...this is rather turning out to be a rather Milbargian explanation of my blogroll breakdown.) Wait...I'll make a new paragraph.

Then it was Star Trek, which received only slightly less grumbling. It's currently the five weapons of the Spanish Inquisition ("Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise....Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency....Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....Our four... no...Amongst our weapons... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise...I'll come in again." And "Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah!... our chief weapons are surprise... blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.").

It'll probably change once I reach Brave New City next week, provided the cable guy really comes to the house today.

*Fixin's for a Fuzzy Navel

Friday Cat Blogging

Misha, back in his younger, slimmer, and slightly less troubled youth

Desperate times call for desperate measures

Lately, I've been having hot donuts at 7:00 p.m., when the donut and coffee break starts around here. It's a "service" provided by the alumni, I think, or someone. It happens every year the last couple of weeks around bar season. I remember manning the donut and coffee break one year until midnight. I think I ate like 3 of the donuts. Oops.

But at the time, we didn't have Krispy Kreme in town quite yet.

Now we do. And I had two of the original glazed just yesterday. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar

Yikes. My sister sent this to me. At first it was funny. Then it was scary.

Pour your misery down on me

I am tired of complaining about the bar to people who are also complaining about the bar.

Why don't you all put your own complaints--except not any bar-related-- for today in my comments?

Anonymity ok, but remember ... my mother reads this blog. And she might tell your mom.




45 minutes later: Heh. And now it's now thundering and pouring rain. I think I'm supposed to be happy now.

South of Heaven, West of Hell

Granted, I complained a lot when we were here, but I'm apprehensive of the Brave New City I'm headed to, so I compiled a list of things I'll miss when I leave:

1. Laying in bed at night and hearing the seals barking when the wind is just right
2. Having a backyard full of baby birds* and mama possums**
3. Having virtually no traffic
4. Boycotting my local grocery store (I like to hold a grudge)
5. My friends
6. The movie theater that shows good films
7. Living in a relatively (until lately) undeveloped area that didn't have street lights until this year or any stores and only 2 gas stations in the vicinity
8. Having mostly nice neighbors. When our neighbors on the corner heard we were moving, the guy said that we had been good neighbors and that he wished we weren't moving.

Sadly, I can only think of 8 things. Maybe it's better I'm leaving?

*


**

Know what I'd like to do?

Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.

It's official: bar study sucks.

When you believe in things that you don't understand; Then you suffer; Superstition ain't the way

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Not only was the 675 Club unceremonially shut down by the library staff, tragedy has befallen its members.

Mr. O: had his spare tire jacked from his truck one night
Slim Jim: modem fried during an overnight lightning storm; the cable company says they'll be there either "Monday or Tuesday"
J: ginormous spider bite which led to swelling and fever
G: had his appendix taken out yesterday evening and is already back to studying
T: just finished his series of rabies shots from when a stray dog bit him

I'm sort of afraid of what's going to happen to me. I hope it happens sooner rather than later. Um, at least, I think that's what I hope.

These...questions...are making me HUNGRY!

Studying makes me really hungry.

But I also fidget when I study (hair twirling, pen twirling, constant leg shifting, the occasional finger thumps), which, in light of this news, is probably a good thing.

Despite the fact that I am on my usual pace of working out once a semester, I actually lost weight during the first month of bar study. I don't have a scale at the Motel Sucks but my clothes are still loose. I'm still eating the same breakfast I eat during the school year, roughly the same amount of low-calorie and occasional greasy cheeseburger lunches as I would during the school year, and the same balance of good-for-you and imminent-death dinners as I was during the school year. About the only difference is that I have been eating an extra snack a day in the mid-afternoon.

It'll be interesting to see if I come out of bar review a) fatter b) skinnier c) the same.

McPan and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Morning

I think that today is the first day I've wanted to cry out of frustration in a long time.

Is it the bar study? The phonebook-weight books? The long hours? The No. 2 pencils? My stay-up-late-and-stomp-on-the-stairs-or-blast-loud-music-in-the-parking-lot Motel Sucks neighbors? The fact that housekeeping knocked a glass of water onto my PMBR book and then left it there all day, so now I have about 500 pages of mush in a red cover? The fact that Mr. McP called last night to tell me that he thought he had lost our cat? No. All those things I could deal with. But this morning's coffee fiasco was the final straw. I feel very Howard Dean-scream-ish, except a lot louder and not so enthusiastically.

I overslept this morning and woke up with an inexplicable hangover kind of feeling. Just sort of groggy and out of whack. Since I needed to go back across town to collect the mail (pay final bills and such), I hustled into the shower and left without breakfast or coffee.

When I got to the Starbucks, they were OUT. OF. COFFEE. Eventually, I heard my name called. There were about 3 coffees lined up and I was in the process of turning them all so I could find my name and the guy who had been standing there said, "That one's yours." Well, I trusted him and went over to the sugar stand. I thought it was peculiar that I didn't see my name, but hey...it's coffee, right? The woman who was hogging all the half and half was also doing some weird coffee transfer process into her own mug. When she put the cup down, I saw ELAINE scrawled across the cup. THAT WAS MY COFFEE.

What could I say? I was shocked that this woman had taken my coffee and was taking all the cream and all the Splenda as well. I said nothing.

Disgruntled, I left. I noticed a little brown spot near the rim but didn't think anything of it. I drove across town, waited in a ridiculously long line, was griped out by a postal worker (for collecting my mail?! She also griped me out Wednesday...for picking up my mail), and got back in my car. I had a few sips of coffee on the way to school.

When I was getting out my stuff at the school, I noticed that there was a puddle of coffee that was rapidly growing. What??? I tried to pull the cup out of the holder and I couldn't. It literally collapsed and I was left holding the remains of a pulpy cup and a grande's worth of coffee in my hand. I tried to sop up as much coffee as I could, but it was everywhere. Well...whatever. I can't really do anything about it now. So, not only did the Splenda woman steal my coffee, she left me with the defective cup to boot.

After the cleanup on aisle 9, I huffed inside and up the stairs and to my carrel, hoping to get to the school's crappy coffee shop before it closed at 11:00. No dice. I went to the cafeteria and ballet camp had it closed and there was no coffee or even any food. All the offices where I could bum some coffee during the week were closed. In sum, I'm still un-caffeinated and that's not a good way to be. Grrrrrrrr.

So shave your face with some mace in the dark; Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park

The "why I was hesistant to buy pepper spray" story

I used to carry pepper spray, a long time ago, when I worked at a magazine store (yes...with adult materials...I know someone will say it, so I might as well say it first) in the daytime and delivered pizza at night. It seemed like a good idea given my occupations (a rare moment of clarity for me) and it probably was a good idea, if only I had used it on an actual attacker. The only person I almost used it on was an ex-boyfriend, but that's mainly just because he startled me. It wasn't intentional.

One day, I was off pizza and magazine duty and was driving around town when I felt this horrible burning sensation creeping on my thigh. It sort of itched, so I gave it a little scratch through my jeans. Ow. That hurt more. Ugh. It kept hurting, and it felt like a hot rash was starting to spread toward my knee.

I drove home and took off my pants. There was a ginormous red welt on my thigh. It was all puffy and red and painful to the touch. At that point, I realized that my pepper spray must have come unlocked and some must have leaked out.

And it friggin' hurt. So...it's like they say with a gun: don't own it if you're not prepared to use it on an attacker. Otherwise, it's more likely to be used against you. But in my case, since it seems highly likely that I'll use it against myself, I have to question the wisdom of me getting more pepper spray. Well, I already have it, so it's a moot point...but you still have to wonder if I'm the ideal candidate to carry non-lethal pepper spray. People like me should have to go to an educational carrying class.

To get back to what everyone (except TP) thinks I ought to get (a gun), I can say that I have never accidentally shot myself with a gun. Or even negligently. Or even accidentally.

Thank you and good night! I'll be here until next weekend!

Early edition of Friday Cat Blogging

Since they're not my cats, I can show you on Thursday.

I really really &hearts this site. It's truly insane.

Update: I know you people were disappointed when I linked to stuffonmycats.com and it didn't work. But it's up now.

Update II: Um. I don't heart the site so much anymore. Apparently someone took their cats and all the stuff on top of them and went home.

Oh well.

Friday Spies©: The Firehouse Edition

1. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?
I generally go to bed around 10:30 (after The Daily Show) but I have insomnia most of the time, so I don't go to sleep until 1:00 or so. Recently, I've been staying up pretty late for other reasons.

If I'm on my normal schedule, my first alarm goes off at 6:00 and I'm usually in the shower by 6:30. On "bar time," it's usually first alarm going off at 6:30 and me in the shower by 7:45. This whole "non-student" status is starting to get on me. I need a nanny to keep me in line and make sure I do all my homework. As long as there's no "naughty chair," I think I could handle the Super Nanny.

2. What do you want done to/with your body after you die?
I want my organs harvested (if they're any good...getting my organs might be like learning you've inherited Grandma's estate except it's on a brownfield or something) and my body cremated.

3. Describe your dream house.
Hmmm. Lots of kitchen counter space, an eat-in kitchen and separate dining room. I like carpet in the bedrooms and living areas, but tile everywhere else. For fun, I'd have a fireman's pole for the way down and a gym-class rope for the way up, complete with the bell and a marker to write your name once you got to the top. (Obviously, this is a bit tongue-in-cheek since I'd be confined to the downstairs...I'm fairly sure I couldn't make it up the rope.) I like a big master bedroom and a bathroom that has a tub shower. I'm not into the whole "master shower" thing. I also need a lot of counter space in the bathroom for all my useless products. In fact, I probably just need my own bathroom.

And as long as I'm building the most ridiculous house ever (see pole and rope), I might as well have it built to scale for me. (Think the Small House reality tv show in the Geico ad.) Awesome!

4. Are you an excellent driver? Do you speed, or drive the speed limit? Ever been ticketed?
If by "excellent" you mean "still alive," then, yes, I have outstanding driving skills. I haven't killed anything or been killed myself. I am an under-speeder, even. I am "pushing it" to drive the speed limit most of the time. However, in the last year or so, I've been prone to speeding (5 over) on residentials out where I live and sometimes on the loop. I've had a few warnings for things like expired stickers but only one ticket (see #3).

5. What is your favorite animal, mineral, and vegetable?
Animal: This is a hard call between cats and pandas. I guess maybe pandas.

Mineral: Amethyst, although one can rarely go wrong with diamonds. But, I'm not so much into "a girl's best friend," so amethyst it is.

Bonus tangent: Interestingly, amber is a mineral (well, technically a mineraloid). I learned this from an informational card that accompanied a necklace I received from my sister-in-law. And it also comes in colors other than, um, amber.

Vegetable: Broccoli, hands down.

Borrowed Cats for Friday Cat Blogging

Since I'm cat-less this week, I'm using my sister-in-law and her husband's cats...in other words, Thomas and Misha's cat cousins. The brown one is Oscar and the gray one is Irving. I'm sure I'm calling them the wrong color names or whatever, but...they're not my cats. I can't be responsible for all the details.

Update on the McPan cats: they are living in their own Motel Sucks (boarding at a vet's) at New City until A gets a residence. He says he visits them every day and that they are depressed. :(

And so the library director said, "Let there be lights"

Wow. Our new library director has really cleaned things up around here. There are more lights in the library now. About 20% of the lights were out or dim, which made the place feel like an absolute dungeon. The lights to the entrance to the upstairs restrooms are glaringly bright. Which is good if you're like me and have problems identifying the proper room to use.

For instance: My first summer here, I was working as a research assistant and I was in the faculty building. Downstairs, the men's and women's restrooms are next to each other. I guess I figured the upstairs was the same way, so once I passed the men's room, I just barged into the next door. Unfortunately, it was still the men's room. I guess the faculty has double-wide bathrooms? Even more unfortunately, some member of the faculty was utilizing the facilities, surprising me (what was a man doing in the women's room) and him (what was a woman doing in the men's room). Yeah...I never did find the women's room upstairs. I would just go downstairs or use the bathroom when I was in a building where I knew where the girls' room was.

The only bad thing about the new lights is that they're so bright, I'm unaccustomed to doing my business in such a bright room. I feel like I'm sitting under a freaking spotlight. I guess my bladder has stage fright. Well, there's still the classroom building for dark, ancient bathrooms.

I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.

When A left me at the Swisher Sweet Motel, he said I might want to get some pepper spray. Well, considering the looks of people who happened to spend most of their time wandering through the parking lot, I thought that might be a good idea.

Note to others: Go to a sporting goods store to buy pepper spray. Places like Target and Wal-Mart don't carry it.

Back to the story...I went to Wal-Mart after striking out at Target. I wandered into the camping/hunting area and took a look around. No pepper spray. I walked up to the gun counter and asked the lady if they sold defensive pepper spray (apparently, "pepper spray" alone isn't descriptive enough).

No, ma'am. Sorry. I know defensive pepper spray is a real good thing to have, but we just don't sell it here. I guess they think it's dangerous.

As you might imagine, I gave her a look of utter disbelief. Not three feet behind the woman was an entire rack, nay, an entire wall of guns. Mainly rifles, but...guns for the purposes of this conversation.

You're kidding me. They don't sell pepper spray because it's too dangerous?

I know, I know. We sell guns. You might try the sporting goods store across the street.

For guns? Yeah, I know they have them.

No, for pepper spray.

Ahh. Thanks.

Motel swisher sweet motel

We're moved into the motel for the time being.

I'm glad I got a non-smoking room which apparently is only non-smoking whenever someone isn't, say, smoking in it.

Not only is it non-smoking, but they also gave us an ashtray...with this sticker stuck to the bottom of it. Pray tell, what else is an ashtray supposed to be used for?

Phew. Stinky. This is going to be a long two weeks.

I think so, Brain, but isn't that why they invented tube socks?

You Are Vanilla Ice Cream

Your personality is anything but "vanilla" You're a risk taker, who's up for anything new. You go well with anyone and fit into any situation. You are most compatible with rocky road ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

As seen at Brian's!

Hey...weren't we compatible musical instruments too? And didn't I totally outscore everyone else on his "must haves" list? I think I'm onto something here...

Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.

Updated: Um, it's etagere. Close enough. Since it's not mine anymore.

Dear Mover-Dudes,
When I point at the etage and say, "We're taking this with us. Go ahead and pack it, but don't pack the shower rod. The shower rod stays, the cabinet goes," that's exactly freaking what I mean. I.e., IT'S NOT OPPOSITE DAY!!!!!

So...thanks. I guess we're leaving the etage at the house, because how am I going to fit it into a compact car? Congrats, later homeowners. It was barely used and in terrific condition.

/bitter

Friday Spies ©: The Shouldn't I Be Studying For The Bar? edition

1. Tropical Storm Cindy and Hurricane Dennis are causing trouble in the Southeast this week. Share a natural disaster story.
Luckily, I've been able to avoid any thus far, except some iced-up roads and steep hills. I've been snowed in a couple of times (obviously not in my hometown) but no biggie. No tornadoes, earthquakes, etc. I had the chicken pox, though...

2. What is your favorite work of art?
I'm not a very artsy person, but I have always had a soft spot for Matisse's blue nudes. I'm more about art "stuff" than paintings or whatever. Like...I like going to see furniture pieces and stuff. I dig modernism (late 1800s-early 1900s) and art deco. If you ever get a chance to see the Norwest Collection, I highly recommend it. I saw it in '98 at the Kimball. I also like chairs. Really. I'm not being a smartass. I like those crazy chairs that artists make. We even have this poster.

3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle or the bottom?
From the bottom; I follow directions, damn it.

4. What is your favorite "cult" film?
Hmm. None. I'm not cool enough for a cult film. Unless, given the outcry when I mentioned I liked Gosford Park, that movie counts. Does Clerks count? Yeah, probably not.

5. Would you go into space if given the chance? Where would you go?
Well, how could I refuse? I don't really have any overwhelming desire (although having a space suit would be cool; I'm all about temperature control) to go into space, but hey, I guess I'd go.

Friday Cat Blogging: A Triptych

Misha tries to draw Thomas into a fight by swiping at his tail


Thomas retreats


Misha triumphant...yet disappointed that no one wants to play

I think so Brain... but do I really need 2 tongues?

So, I think I have my first "real" fan. I mean, the kind that I have pervaded their brain so much that they now think about me off-blog.

Fan's dream:

We were working together for some law firm and everyone there thought I was a really great new associate...always hard at work on my computer, staying late, everything. The only weird thing was, that I wore a rain slicker like the guy on the Gordon's Gorton's (thanks cousin!) fish sticks bag. Like this: EVERY DAY. I mean, LSC gets a lot of rain, more rain than I'm accustomed to, but not that much rain. True, I'm one of the only people who actually wears a raincoat, keeps about three spare umbrellas on hand, as well as an extra pair of socks in case my socks get wet. But still...enough that I would be wearing rain gear indoors? At work? Anyway, according to Fan, I also wore the Gordon's fisherman hat.

Anyway, back to work. So it turns out that I haven't been working at all. As you can imagine, I'm blogging. (Let that be a warning to myself...) And the whole reason I got found out was something like, I had been stealing hoarding highlighters from the office and writing about them on my blog. Someone knew about my blog or stumbled across it accidentally and put the two together. They ended up taking my computer away! And probably my highlighters, which is the real tragedy here. But I didn't get fired.

Anyway, as Fan was relating this story to me, all Charlotte overheard was, "and they could hear her in there, working away, tapping on the keyboard nonstop" and she busts out with, "Let me guess, she was blogging! Sometimes, I'm in the library [she actually sits fairly far away, so this was embarassing news to me] and I can hear her. I always know when she's not studying because I can hear her keys going 100 miles an hour." Apparently, my blogging habits are um, well-known and louder than I thought. So if anyone wants to get me a belated graduation gift, a silent keypad would be excellent.

It's Ladies' Night at the 675 Club

So, um, you know where I will be...

International Kissing Day

Hey, I just follow orders.


The Kiss, at the Musee Rodin in Paris

Heh...I can't look at this without thinking of the Monty Python skit where the guy in this statue starts playing the woman's thigh like a recorder. Yes, I stood there laughing my butt off while "serious" people were looking at me.

Mace?

Gosh, it sure is easier to post pictures than think of things to say. So yesterday when I said the guards carried around maces and such, I meant this thing. I'm not sure if it's a mace...or for that matter, what a mace even is...but regardless, they had some of these doo-dads that they traded around.



And for those of you who had the same guy doing the BarBri lecture for bankruptcy that I did...here's the "automatic stay" provision in picture form. Remember, the filing means no more collections. Because the gate with bars has come down. This partciular gate with bars is at the Tower of London. Sweet. See that little hole towards the back? They'd pour down some hot oil or anything scalding if you happened to make it past the bars. Think of it as the equivalent of the punitive damages provision for willfully violating the no collections rule after a bankruptcy petition is filed. Ouch.

Give me some good band nerd lovin'

This post has absolutely no point, but hey...who doesn't love a band nerd?

We took this picture outside Buckingham Palace during the Changing of the Guard ceremony. The guard dudes had to carry out their Manhassets and play some songs.

This picture was during the non-band portion. Lots of marching around with sabers and such. Maces or something.


And while we're on the other side of the pond, may I present the Texas Embassy? Really, that's what it says underneath the flag. If memory serves, it's right off Trafalgar Square. It's a restaurant, which I think my sister-in-law said was not very good.


Oh yeah...and I did a little (and by little, I mean, very little) work on my blogroll. So, um, welcome, to the three or so people I added.

Tonight

is the beginning of the end...

When I get home, all my stuff will be in boxes, packed by people I didn't supervise.

There will be no beer or food in my fridge.

I will be drinking out of styrofoam cups for the next week.

My cats will be mystified.

P.S. - I hope you like my outfit. I'm going to be wearing it quite often for the next month.

I think so, Brain, but why does a forklift have to be so big if all it does is lift forks?

Book reviews in 15 words or less or it's free

Little Children, by Tom Perrotta (also of Election, Joe College, and The Wishbones)
The book was good. But I wasn't in the right mood for it.

BarBri MultiState Outlines, by BarBri
This. Book. Sucks. I haven't read the others, but I predict they will also suck.

Little less conversation and a lot more action

Whenever you're writing "obligation" and you spell it "oblogation" you know you want to blog. Really, really, really badly.

Thank you, Hearsay Video

So...you know the hearsay video? Well, it did its work. The simulated BarBri MBE results are online for my site and I rocked out on the hearsay questions.

The negligence: causation, parties questions...uh, not so much.

A little video help anyone?

Friday Spies ©

1. Is Tom Cruise correct that we're not alone in the universe?
Well, this little green dude behind my shoulder is indiciating that I should say no. But it has something to do with all our base belonging to him???

2. What is a fashion trend that you would like to see go away, and what is a fashion you would like to see come back in style?
Go away - tube tops. Even if you're built like Jessica Rabbit, there's something about tube tops that hurts my kidneys.

Come back - nothing really comes to mind. But I'd like to propose the new fashion trend of suits with sneakers, a la David Letterman and Ben Stein. This goes for the ladies as well. Because I need pockets when I'm in court.

3. I was going to ask what city will win next week's vote on the host of the 2012 Olympics, but everyone knows it's going to be Paris, so I decided to tweak it: What city that you have visited (or lived in) would be a good Olympic host city, and why?
West Texas. Lots of open land, and plus, the economy could use it.

4. Happy Canada Day to our readers in the Great White North! In light of that holiday, and our own upcoming Independence Day, tell us your favorite Independence Day memory. (And yes, those of you in other nations can use whatever national holiday you celebrate.)
I don't really have a favorite holiday. But I will expound on a Canadian tradition. (Does this get me half credit if I sort of answer the question but not really?) I like the tradition of wearing red poppies in the lapel for Remembrance Day (our Veterans Day). I think it's beautiful, poignant, and a little less in-your-face than sparklers and cake.

5. The Supreme Court ruled this week on one set of commandments, but we want to hear yours. What are the Ten Commandments of [X]? Pick a topic and reveal its ten most important rules. Phrasings with "shalt" appreciated but not required.
I'm not sure, but I know that, according to the tabloid cover I saw last week at the grocery store, ten more commandments have been found. Perhaps they are mine. Maybe I should go back to the store...

Friday Cat Blogging

This cat is a bad cat. I was making bagels yesterday morning and one fell on the floor, so I put it in the trash. When my back was turned, this cat stood on his back legs and got out the bagel and carried it off. I found it after breakfast, still intact but with lots of big fang holes.

Bad kitty!