Friday Cat Blogging: Office cat

Tess makes sure I'm printing out my Bar-bri class action claim form. If Tess were a person, I think she'd be great for those TV/VCR repair classes. She loves electronics.

Is honesty the best policy?

If there are things that a student should know, but I think are really not that important, is it ok to say that? Like, "You should be aware of XYZ out there, but I'm not going to go into it because I've found that in actual practice, I've never had to use/know that. However, it's most often utilized in ABC area of law, so keep that in mind. If you want to know more about it, feel free to read Chapter 10."

I don't want to short-change my students, but I also know that I'm feeding them a lot of information all at once. My practice areas have been very limited and have not involved ABC area of law, so maybe I just don't know what the hell I'm talking about when I say it's not important.

Your opinion? Also, I hope I get a good rating on RateMyProfessors.com. Actually, I hope I don't show up there at all.

Eh

Today I overheard another student referring to me as Professor McPan. I left it up to the students on whether to call me by my first name or not.

I got a rejection letter from the feds. It was probably the nicest rejection letter ever.

It's like the NSA except better

On Thursday, I have a guy from the alarm company coming over to connect some cable that the phone company didn't or something. Anyway, the house has a motion sensor in the living room, which is pretty darn useless when you have two cats. Turns out there's a way to work around it, but the "I Spy" phone may fulfill my lingering desires to know when people are in the room. The phone is a motion sensor and will call you when it detects someone in the room and let you listen in.

Yikes.

Seriously, how much easier does the NSA have it when the phones are the ones doing all the work? I wonder how I could get a job with the NSA...

Fakes on a plane!

In an effort to carry less junk around in my purse, I had the idea of buying a clutch. I knew I wanted one with the handle cut out (see left) because I'd probably let the thing go flying off when gesticulating. However, I was having a problem finding this kind of clutch without it costing an arm and a leg. Who knew macrame was so expensive?

I happened upon one today that was exactly what I was looking for, and on sale! I looked at the inner label. "Genuine faux leather." Ah - as opposed to Fake faux leather. Um....??? I didn't care that it was fake leather. I'll probably have trashed the thing by the end of the winter when it's time for a new bag anyway. I just didn't understand the whole "Genuine faux leather."

Actually...it is a pretty good faux leather. It's more real-leather-looking. So maybe genuine faux leather is better than fake faux leather. Hmm. Thoughts?

WhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy

can't they make shower curtain rings with enough hook on them so a person can pull back the curtain without three or four rings jumping off the rod?

I've bought some before that make a complete, locked circle, but my problem with that was that I always found those hard to open, and inevitably, I would have missed one hole. Plus, the ones I got are cute!

Rats.

But my question is...

What about adjunct professors? (via Above the Law)

Anyone? Anyone?

Friday Cat Blogging

First day of school

Um, so...so far I kind of suck.

Before I left for school, I had a little list of all the things I wanted to go over.

1. My name
2. The reading assignment - for this purpose, I brought my book so I could show them to read out of this book. I didn't want any "I didn't know which book" on the first day
   
3. The required books
   
4. Introduce the teaching assistant and let him take over because he would be the one getting their Lexis passwords and stuff
   
5. Tell the students I'm going to use Blackboard (on the Lexis site) and the assignments would be posted there
   

When I got to the school I figured I could surely remember this list, so I didn't bother to get it out. You can see where this is headed.

I covered #1 and half of #2. I gave them the assignment but failed to bust out my book. D'oh! I entirely forgot #3, although I did CMA and said I would put up a posting on the 1L board. I also entirely forgot # 4 and 5. The worst part about forgetting 4 and 5 is that I had asked my TA to attend, but then I sort of forgot to introduce my TA. So he just stood there at the back. D'oh! By the time I realized that, he had to run, and I had ceded the podium anyway.

I felt a bit odd standing at the podium, since the only time I've ever done that was giving my thesis presentation and reading Bible passages at my sister's wedding (clearly, I was the pinch-hitter at the wedding). I tried to remember to speak slowly, but who knows what it sounded like when it came out. Maybe a Chipmunks video on fast forward?

The Goodbye Girl

Tomorrow's my last day at work.

On Thursday, I meet my students and then head immediately to a spa. So far, semi-unemployment is looking good.

I was told I had to turn in my ID, which makes sense, but I want to keep it. I have a collection of photo IDs. It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened. It's kind of fun to look at them. I have every single driver's license, most other government-issued IDs, Sam's Club, a theme park ID, all my undergrad and law school student IDs. If you could turn them into a flipbook you'd be able to track my weight progression and loss (at least, according to my face). I asked if I could maybe cut out the picture to keep. I haven't heard the answer yet, so I'll find out tomorrow whether I can add my work ID to my shrine.

Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.

And John Grisham wants to stop that.

I recently got the chance to hear Grisham speak about the Innocence Project in Mississippi, and the need for a better system. He's a very good speaker, and had every lawyer in the room hanging onto each and every word. He did a good job telling stories about how bad in the courtroom he was at first, and then segued into the real topic: wrongful convictions.

I can't even explain how moving it was. I'm all for exonerating those who were wrongfully convicted, and even I felt like I was experiencing some kind of epiphany. Before the speech, there had been a low rumble amongst the audience about how they had read a book or two, right when Grisham began writing, but stopped reading him years and years ago. I guess at the point where the fiction became too fictional? After the speech, Grisham received a standing ovation. Now, maybe standing ovations aren't a big deal, but they should be. I hate the fake-standing-because-we-ought-to ovation. I'm always that person who's sitting down until 99.98% of the rest of the room is applauding on their feet and I look like a jerk if I don't. Everyone left the speech stunned and moved. It was really neat.
Oh, and Grisham is quite the snappy dresser. He wore a mid-gray (as in-between light and charcoal...maybe Babar the Elephant gray) with thin lavender stripes going in each direction. The boxes were really big, so it wasn't like a gingham-look or anything. In fact, you probably couldn't see the boxes from far away (I had front-row seats - wow!) He also wore a lavender tie. Nice.

Not the worst place, but pretty bad

Having a mosquito bite right where you bend your elbow (on the inner side).

Every time I bend my arm, it makes the bite itchy again. Arghhhhh.

Anyone? Anyone?

Ok, so apparently I'm supposed to be preparing for this class? The advice from those in the know:

1. Make them respect my authorita
2. Wear a suit on the first day for the right reason (???)
3. Don't undermine my own authorita. Ex: "Hi, I've never taught a class before, and I'm not much older than you all...."

I can't decide if I want to stand during class or sit. Luckily, this (see left) gives me the opportunity to do both. And the best part? No one can pull my chair out from under me!






Any advice? What did you like/dislike about first day lectures? Should I sit or stand? Should I carry a billy club? What about the mirrored shades?

Friday Cat Blogging: Chow time

Reconsidering the blog title

I really wish I was Canadian and was good at cooking. I would totally rename this blog Canadienne Bakin'.

News travels fast

They're talking about me already! A quote:

Some law schools have begun to recruit top bloggers in an effort to enhance their reputation. I won't name names, but I suspect that the practice will become clear soon enough.

And I thought I was recruited for my skillz, not just my top blogginess. Also, I believe Your Adjunctness might be the title I settle on. Adjunctnix?

From the Shaggy D.A. to the Nutty Professor?

Remember the new job I was telling you about? Well, I hope none of you have kids old enough to go to law school - I've been tapped to teach at the local law school.

No, really! Um, you can stop laughing now. Actually, every time I tell someone about this, I start laughing before they do.

I'm really starting to look forward to it, although I'm having a little difficulty figuring out how to work in the Wookie Defense.

There were so many possibilities for this post title: The Faculty? The Absent-Minded Professor? The Law School of Rock? Fast Times at Ridgemont Law? Harv-E. McBirdPan, Professor of Law?

On a more serious note... A recent post at Prawfsblawg asked about the etiquette of calling someone you would normally call "Professor X" by their first name. I am officially an "Adjunct Professor" (which my mom was very excited about being able to work into conversations). However, all my paperwork lists me as Professor McPan. (I even get faculty parking - ooooh!) I expect that most of my students will call me Professor McPan because that's what the paper says. I kind of feel, though, that calling myself "Professor McPan" is akin to raising my hand on the plane when the flight attendant asks, "Is there a doctor on the plane?" and then whipping out a tiny, laminated copy of my J.D. (At my second undergrad, I received a laminated, wallet-sized diploma. I'm not really sure what use it has, except maybe for scraping ice off your windshield in a pinch.)

There oughta be a law!

I went to a new restaurant today, lured by the promise of Diet Dr. Pepper on the menu. It said so online! When I sat down, I double-checked that they had Diet Dr. Pepper. Yes, the waiter said, so, with great relish, I ordered one.

What did he bring me?

A CAN. A CAN OF CAFFEINE-FREE DIET DR. PEPPER.

I tried to explain that this was not Diet Dr. Pepper. Well, not that it wasn't Diet Dr. Pepper, but that it wasn't the kind I wanted.

This isn't diet?

No, it is diet, but it's caffeine-free.

Isn't that diet?

*gasp* Noooo. Diet Dr. Pepper doesn't have calories, but it does have the caffeine.

Oh, I don't drink soda, so I don't know. Do you want me to bring you a Diet Coke?

I can't imagine anything more hideous than a caffeine-free Diet Coke, so I just drank the fake-soda, fake-caloried fake Dr. Pepper. Eww.

School's out for summer (associates)

This summer was an odd one in that my department took several 1Ls for the summer. Argh - see if we do that again anytime soon. Before I get too far into my rant, a disclaimer: I went to a law school that ranks nowhere near the second SA's, which I can safely say is way, way up there (according to USN&WR), so maybe this is all just sour grapes on my part.

Both of the summers below just finished their first year of school.

Mr. AWOL is a student at the local, way, way down there school. We'll call it St. Stinky's. He got the job because he knew someone who knew someone.

The second summer is a student at a school we'll call University of Halefordvania-Ann Berkeley. And for good measure, in New York. In other words, he's a student at a way, way up there school. He got the job because, well, he goes to a Top School. People were falling all over themselves in anticipation. I may have been falling over too, but that's just because I'm uncoordinated.

Unfortunately, Mr. Top School was not America's Next Top Summer. He wasn't even close. I feel bad saying that because I know he worked hard and it's not like he was just screwing around, but some things just can't be overlooked. For example:

1. The assignment (explained by more than one person and more than once) dealt exclusively with state law. On the third rewrite, he's still citing stuff from the feds, and not even our circuit. Other than learning for the sake of learning, all of that was useless to me.
   
2. When he would find primary persuasive authority, it was not unusual to discover that that case had been overruled. Not overruled on other grounds. Just overruled. On that ground. *sigh* Even more frustrating was that, when I pointed this out, he argued that I cited cases that were also overruled. This is true, but he failed to recognize the difference between "overruled-for-other-reasons-but-otherwise-THE-seminal-case-for-this-proposition" and "We take it back! Anything we said before this case is wrong, WRONG, WRONG!"
   

I hoped he would make up for his dubious research skills in his writing. See - this is why I don't believe in optimism: it's pointless. That, and the fact that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

While I enjoy a good semicolon every now and then, he about wore out the colon/semicolon key. Perhaps he got paid by the semicolon. He was repetitive and wrote in a very informal style. He also liked to tell me, in great detail, (in what should have been a much more formal memo) why X, Y, and Z were irrelevant to the point he was working on. Had I asked him to speculate on things that weren't issues, that might have been great. Otherwise, reading several pages of several days' worth of work on stuff that has absolutely no bearing on what I'm going to do with the case is absolutely insane. I've seen footnotes that take up a whole page or more, but not a parenthetical. Sheesh.

Even worse is that I felt that he never really progressed. It's not unusual for me to ask students to rewrite a memo. The reason I do it (and I explain this to them) is that I really want their summer to be a learning experience, and the best way for them to learn is if they do it, not if I take it, say Good job, and then rewrite the whole thing myself. I try to be a good supervisor and take a lot of time to walk them through the whats and whys of the rewrite. On average, I spend about an hour, one-on-one, per rewrite. Mind you, this is time that I'm not compensated for in any way, and it pushes my own work back farther and farther. I'm sure even the non-lawyer readers understand that Time Is Money. Maybe I was just a sucky supervisor.

Despite the fact Mr. AWOL went, well, AWOL, at least he progressed. I could see everything really starting to come together. He was really cooking by the end. I was happy to learn that he made it onto St. Stinky's top law review.

As bad as I make my experience with Mr. Top School sound, I assure you that Mr. Top School was not a bad person. He was very intelligent and very talented in other fields. He was also quite successful in his prior career. He wasn't schmoozy or offensive or weird in a scary, creepy way. I mean, he wasn't a vanimal (which is my favorite x-sa story so far).

I'm just aggravated that he was chosen based solely on the rank of his school, taking away the chance for a smart but lower-ranked school's student to work with us. Nobody's psychic, and nobody would have guessed it would have been like this.

I guess the reason I get upset about all this is that I always felt like I was the high-ranking-yet-low-tiered student that got passed over in favor of the Name Brand Law School students. I went to school within a day's drive of a Top School, and it was an unwritten but not unspoken policy at some area firms to refuse interviewing students from my school on the basis that it was my school. Well, I guess that's not entirely true; one person I know got a "courtesy" interview, but that firm had no intention of hiring anyone from our school.

It's not a secret that I got my current job because someone there knew me (although I didn't know this person worked there until after I was hired). Knowing that my career exists because of connections undermines my whole delusional fantasy of being rewarded based on merit. It's really quite disappointing that I worked so hard and for the most part, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, C = J.D., but shouldn't A = more than various secretarial jobs and/or unemployment?

I know that quite a few of my law-related readers went to much better schools than I did, so I'd be interested in your thoughts.

Oh, and Mr. Top School? He informed me on his last day that he made it onto one of the school's law reviews. Nice.

But I've had Sex since I was 9 years old!

Finally, the murderer next door database I've always advocated (via Gideon). No, really! I've always believed that sex offender registries are stupid and go against the idea that once you've done you're time, you're done. Otherwise, why don't we just put people away for life? Like, all the time? I mean, with zoning laws and these kinds of databases, we're essentially punishing sex offenders in perpetuity. What makes these crimes more deserving of this kind of attention than other crimes that we're allowed to punish these people more than others? Well, lobbying, maybe.

Now, this doesn't mean I have the right answer to this dilemma - longer mandated prison sentences for sex crimes because of the high rate of recidivism? Intensive therapy? Indefinite parole? No registries? Registries to screen those who look at registries?

Personally, I'd rather know if I've got a potential mass murderer living next door to me than a child molester. Sure, I look young, but I think they prefer the real thing. Not having children, these registries are pretty useless to me, since the target group seems to be parents. Actually, in California, pretty much any crime involving sex or sexual motivation is registrable, so I would have the chance to know if a serial rapist lived next door. I'm not sure about other states.

In related news: a Georgia man could end up with life imprisonment for failing to register his address as a sex offender...even though he doesn't have a home. Sort of like the bridge guys in Florida, who probably just wish they were back in prison, at least for the three hots and a cot.

--------------
You must have been quite a kid!

Hello, I'm Elaine, and I have a drinking problem

I'm a dedicated coffee drinker, and so having a carafe which doesn't dribble all over the place is very important to me. Unfortunately, drip-free carafes are hard to find, which seems odd to me. Maybe most people just clean up the drippys right away, but I'm usually in a hurry, so they sit there and dry up. Then of course, three years later when it's time to move, those drippys are really hard to scrub off.

Black & Decker makes a great carafe called the Perfect Pour. And it is! But you can't always find the Perfect Pour carafe, and I'm not sure it works on all B&D models. By the time a coffee maker kicks the bucket, I don't have time for an internet replacement. I just run out and buy the first drippy model I can find.

But I'm glad to report that I've finally found a suitable replacement: this Michael Graves coffeemaker, available at Target. I can't believe the Features section doesn't list the awesome spout!

Maybe I'm just a bad pour-er, but I thought everyone else had this problem.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Pit stop

The good news: I remembered to put on the magical clinical strength Secret last night, as per the directions.

The bad news: It reeked so badly that I couldn't fall asleep. It smelled like a heavily-perfumed depilatory or the least-offensive smelling perm imaginable.

I can't believe no one else has thought this Secret stank (in an odorful way; perspiration-wise, I didn't notice anything, so it must have worked). Maybe suffering singed nose hairs is the secret in Secret. Strange.

Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate that you hate to make him wait but you just gotta have another cigarette

A few years ago, I received a bedroom set from my parents that my mom's parents had had. It was exciting to have (free!) furniture, but the downside was that my Nanny smoked. A lot. Actually, I think she had quit by the time I was in my mid teens, but all those years of smoking seeped into the furniture.

I did some online research on how to get out the smoke odor and came to the conclusion that I should use Murphy Oil Soap. I ran out tonight and got some (along with some Secret Clinical Strength...am finally giving in to the hype [or not]). Then I discovered that you're only supposed to use it (the oil soap, not the deodorant) on finished wood.

Not having taken shop or home ec, I'm not quite sure if that means I can use the stuff on the inner parts of the drawers, or if it's only for the outside part. I assume the inner parts aren't finished? Anyway, my other idea was to wash all parts (drawer inners too) with vinegar and water and hope that gets rid of some of the smell. Anybody got any other ideas (besides shellacking the whole thing)?

Every generation has its Bag O'Glass

Never return an item to Target on a Saturday night, even if a) it's Saturday night and b) the line looks short. Apparently, Saturday night is every parents' favorite night to take all of their recalled toys, sans receipts, boxes, manufacturers, method of purchase, or recall information to Target. It took forever to get past the first two women. One had two zippy bags of Magnetix. I'm not exactly sure what the issue was, but she wouldn't take a store credit. The customer service dude was on the phone with corporate or whoever for forever. The second woman had some Elmo doll. By the time I left, the line had about 5 more people in it. They needed a sign like at an amusement park: Line is approximately 1 hour from this point.

Anyway, as I stood there, I thought about all the "dangerous" stuff I probably played with as a kid. I do remember riding a Big Wheels one time and my shirttail came untucked and got caught in the wheels. It didn't do anything except ruin the shirt. We also had a pogo stick. It's a wonder anyone makes those anymore, or at least without a net around it. You can't even get unsafe trampolines anymore; they all have those nets and padded walls now.

Eating Play-doh never killed anyone I know (or knew, rather). My sister once barfed a breakfast of Fruity Pebbles on one of those playground merry-go-rounds. It was my first and best introduction to centrifugal force. Surely I'm forgetting some terrible toy we all played with but now our parents would be sent to prison for giving us. Your submissions welcome.

Semi-sweet!

I've landed a part-time job. I was in the middle of moving last week, when a law school friend called out of the blue. She had an offer I couldn't refuse. Even though it's part-time, it's until next April or so. Things could be a lot worse.

I went to sign a billion papers and swear allegiance to the flag and whatnot. Whoever thought I would hear the words Sarbanes-Oxley again? Not me. Anyway, so I had to sign a bunch of stuff and fill out forms and such. I have to go back later on to finalize some stuff, get an ID badge and parking sticker.

I think there will be more work than I initially anticipated, but I like the stuff I will be dealing with, so it's cool. I think. So far. Ask me again in a few weeks.

But just in case this doesn't work out, I found my book on contract lawyering. And if that doesn't work, I also have "What Can You Do With a Law Degree?"

Interns gone AWOL

One of our summers has gone AWOL. Seriously, nobody knows where he is and whether he is coming back. Yesterday, I learned he actually showed up on Monday when I and my immediate supervisor weren't there. We learned this from the other interns. He didn't indicate that he wasn't coming back. Technically, I guess he also didn't indicate that he was coming back.

So I sent him an email today asking him to please send all the work he's done, and by the way, are you ever coming back? Except I sent it to the wrong intern. Whoops. It's not as stupid as it sounds, though, because they're both J. Does (one John, one Jeff), and both email addresses start with jdoe. When I started writing this semi-bitchy email, I just accepted the autofill in the address box.

I got a response from the wrong J. Doe, but still haven't heard from the other J. Doe. Strange. Luckily, Mr. Wrong is used to my spaziness and suggested meeting up for drinks soon. Maybe it sounds like I really need one. Hmm.

This is a burning question, but hopefully not burning in the context of the topic

Time for an up or down vote.

With movers and cable installers, etc., I have discovered that men leave the seat up in the bathroom. I mean, I guess I knew that, vaguely, this occurred. I always assumed that a guy should be the one to put the seat back down, but keep in mind that I'm a girl (and therefore right, but beside the point).

So, I guess I have several questions.

1. What position is considered the "norm"?
   
2. Which position do you think the seat should be left in?
1. Please note your gender (if not obvious or known to me already)
2. Please note any other perhaps-relevant factors, such as marital or housing status, if that makes a difference.
   
3. Whose responsibility should the seat position be?

The sound of one nail clipping

There is nothing - NOTHING - worse than the sound of someone clipping their nails. I understand that it has to be done. But do it in the privacy of your own home, preferably with the door shut and using loud music or running water to mask the sound. Why do people clip their nails at the office, in a library, on the train, or any place in public? It's insane! My ears pick up that bone-shivering metallic snip! snip! from a kajillion miles away. Maybe I'm just hypersensitive to that noise, but it drives me crazy. I think I could be coerced into confessing to a heinous crime if enough people came into the interrogation room and clipped their nails.

Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. - I'm back (hi Mom). After a week of packing and then unpacking, Fort McPan has been reestablished. Anybody need 5,000 moving boxes and a lot of paper?