Friday Cat Blogging: window shopping

Right before this picture, the cats were watching a stray orange tabby walking across the street.

I'm blegging you!

Ok, other than for comments, I never put out a blog beg (the dreaded, pathetic "bleg"). But this is important.

See's Candy is already sold out of the pumpkin spice lollipops! Arghhh!!! And it says "while supplies last," and if they're already sold out, I guess that means for the season. I can't wait a year for them to be reissued!!!!! This is the second year in a row that I've missed them. I don't even know if I would like them, but I think I would. Now it's just all about getting them.

So what I'm trying to say is this: if you see them and buy them, I will totally love you and pay you back. Because guess what - sending cash through the mail isn't illegal!!!

Although, if I don't score any, I suppose I can console myself with this review that said they don't really taste like pumpkin spice. But still, I'd like to determine that for myself.

Friday Cat Blogging: casual Friday

This is a rather unflattering view of Tess. That drumstick looks huge. Oh well - she takes after her mother.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

Have you ever seen or heard yourself in the courtroom? There was one court that had cameras and two big-screen tvs that showed what was going on live. So I got to see myself in action, which was kind of weird. I got very self-conscious but it was more like, Do I look fat when I turn this direction? and not Do I sound really stupid right now?

Today is the first time I've ever heard myself after the fact and...wow. I think that I should win this issue on the law (which I actually did in the court below) but after listening to both sides' arguments, I sound very unconfident and mousy. In fact, I was asked to speak louder, which I tried to, but I have no idea if it was loud enough for the judge. Of course, the opposition was a really big guy, like big tall and kind of big the other way. He had a big beard. He was a manly-man. I was like a baby mouse - the runt of the litter. Eek! Yes, like, I just sounded squeaky. Thank god the name "Squeaky" has already been taken by Squeaky Fromme.

I wonder if there's some kind of surgery to alter my vocal chords or like, testosterone cream on them or something. I mean, I've heard myself like on answering machines but never for 20 minutes solid.

I'm so embarrassed. I'm kind of glad I don't have a job so I have to face anyone and think, Wow, can they even hear what I'm saying because it's at such a high pitch?

I get no respect. Well, sometimes.

So, here I am, mostly unemployed. I see an ad for a temporary legal researcher and I respond. Within minutes, the phone rings.

Hello?

Hi. Um...Can I speak to E. McPan?

This is E.

Really?

Uh-huh.

You just sent me your resume?

Yes.

Oh. Okay. Well, uh, I'm looking at your resume, and I hate to tell you this, but you're overqualified.

And I'm underemployed right now, so I'm a bargain and a half.

The potential employer thought that was pretty funny. I'm a little disappointed that s/he thought I was like, E. McPan's kid daughter answering the phone. I don't sound that little, do I?
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And now for the other end of the age spectrum --

I was in the law library, digging through the books, when a student approached me.

Hi. Uh, I'm looking for the [reads off a sheet of notes] paperback supplement to update, uh, umm...

I hand him the book. Here it is.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. To update, check here first [show him the pocket part], then here [show the cumulative supplement] and then see if there is a later supplement dated from the cumulative supplement to today.

Wow. Thanks.

Hey. What made you think I would know?

You're a professor, right?

Sweet.

Unemployment: it's a gas

Unemployment is a lot more exciting than I thought it would be. I went to put gas in my car (although it's not like I had to drive to work anymore so I'm not really sure why I was doing it) and I put the nozzle in, locked the little gas switch so it would fill without me having to stand there and hold it, and leaned against the trunk of my car. After a while, I thought, Wow, it's a good thing I got gas. This is like, the longest fill-up ever. You can probably guess what happened next, this being a McPan story: the auto shut-off had not auto shut-off.

!

I managed to reach the nozzle and replace it without getting my feet wet, which was a feat since I was wearing flip-flops and there was a large and rapidly-growing puddle of gas. I went inside to report it. I felt kind of dumb, but the gas station people were very nice about it. I was worried the car might, like, spontaneously combust when I started it, so I asked if I could drive away.

Attendant: Like, now?

Me: Um, yeah. I mean, I'm not going to drive away and burst into flames, am I? Should I wait?

Attendant: You'd be the first.

Me: To drive away or to burst into flames?

Attendant: The first to burst into flames while driving away.

Me: So...it's okay or not okay?

Attendant: Oh, it's okay, just don't, like, go light up a cigarette or whatever.

Just to be extra safe, I didn't light a cigarette, leave my engine running, rummage in my car while the gas was pumping, use my cell phone, or fill a plastic container while it was sitting in a truck bed. As you can see, I survived.

Somewhat relatedly - I had a friend in high school who had a gas station credit card her parents gave her. She always went to the full-service and they would fill it up for her. Well, she always went full-service until her parents got the first bill and they had no idea why it was ridiculuosly high.

Maybe I should move someplace that still does full-service (other than New Jersey, I mean).

Have you seen The Informant!?

I did, and it's quite amusing. The Informant!, a movie starring Matt Damon, is fun, not only because he has a silly mustache but also because it has punctuation in the title. ! So I get to use double punctuation when I write about it. Sweet.

Have you ever noticed that there aren't many movies with punctuation in the title? IMDB doesn't show a question mark for What's Eating Gilbert Grape, although I suppose it could be, like, a declarative sentence. Like, "Here's what's eating Gilbert Grape." O Brother, Where Art Thou? has a question mark.

Argh! I was doing some research (yes, I sometimes research my posts. This is quality blogging, you know) on this and discovered that someone already wrote a whole dang article on this very thing. Rats!

Oh well, I already wrote this.

Yay, Google Voice!

I give my students my office number to call me if they have questions since most of the time, if it's during the day, they'll be in the library, and the question will usually have something to do with finding something in the library. But when I got the boot, I didn't have a phone number anymore. I had signed up for Google Voice a while back and had thought I would surely have a number by the time I was unemployed, but that didn't happen. Then, on Saturday morning, I had my Google Voice invite! Whee! So this new number will be my "work" number and if I go into business for myself, I won't have to change numbers like 600 times. Of course, I'm assuming it works; no one's called me on it yet. Then again, I don't think I've given it out yet.

Friday Cat Blogging: Breakfast

Poor Misha. Every time he wants something, Tess wants it too, whether or not she really wants it. Now she's crowding him out of his food, even though there's a bowl for each.

I need to send Tess to some kind of cat etiquette school or something.

All good things must come to an end

As of this morning, I am unemployed. Well, technically, I still have teaching, but an entire year's worth of that can't even pay half a year's mortgage. I'm trying not to be bitter about it, but so far it's not working.

I know people are just trying to be helpful or nice when they say things, but mostly I just get irritated. For example: "Have you been looking?" Gee, if only I had thought about looking before. No wonder I hadn't gotten a job. YES, I've been looking. I've been looking for months. I applied for a job that's three hours away. One way. I haven't even gotten a single pity interview. So I don't think it's a lack of trying.

There's also: "If only [my office] was hiring." Thanks, except perhaps you forgot that I applied for three different jobs in your office, two of them within the last couple of months, when you already knew I was going to lose my job.

Maybe the most upsetting is the, "Something better will come along." This assumes that I didn't like my job. I'm not one of those people who went to law school because I had nothing better to do or began practicing and realized that I really didn't want to do law after all. I loved my job. I felt passionate about it every day of the week. I enjoyed going to work every morning and stayed late pretty much every day but it rarely felt like work. I was very lucky in that I got a job doing exactly what I love. "Something better" would be my old job with a raise, but that's not going to happen.

A first-year deferral will be filling my position. He's going to make more money than I ever did, even working two jobs, and at less than his full salary(!), all paid for by his firm. And after this year, he'll leave and never come back. Meanwhile, I dedicated my career to public service and never wanted to leave for private practice, even though there were opportunities, yet I got the ax.

So yeah. Right now I'm a little bitter.

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Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit!